Geeez Louise, I've gone to bed twice tonight and was so sleepy and soooooo tired, and yet, here I am. Couldn't even stay awake for Antiques Roadshow the first time and headed up the stairs happily anticipating a snuggly bed and sweet dreams, but then the tossing and turning began.
My nightly ritual is to lean back and settle onto my wonderful old pillow that's losing more fluff with every day; it is easy to push and pull and squeeze into the most comfy shapes. Then, I turn onto my right side for a while and just before I know I'm going to doze off, turn onto my left side and float away into sleep. Oh, and beginning the process, put on my Darth Vader mask.
The other night Mark missed a great chance - I said 'Night Yoda' fully leaving the opportunity open for him to say in return 'Night Darth' and he was already starting to buzz. He doesn't usually snore as much as he just buzzes. I, on the other hand, breathe like I'm having the life force sucked out of me so when I say 'Night Yoda', it sounds more like 'Dight Nona'. The joys of a CPAP machine....
However, tonight nothing is working. Is it that humongo turkey burger Mark made for dinner tonight? Pumpkin pie with white lipped cream? Hearing some news that is a bit disturbing (and in a sick way, kind of humorous?) Watching too many horror movie clips tonight (I will never EVER eat slit plea soup again?) Who knows? All I do know for sure is that while I'm yawning widely enough to split my jaw in two, I can't turn off my brain. Mark buzzes breathing; I buzz notsleeping. And for some wacko reason, my words have been getting mixed up all day, as you may have noticed with white lipped cream and slit plea soup? Maybe I've got a migraine headed my way, LOL. Pun pun pun.
Oh wow, I really do need to go to sleep. Now I've taken 3 aspirins and a calcium magnesium pill too, because they're both supposed to help - aspirin for aggravated knee and cal-mag because it settles and calms frazzled nerves. Now, if there was only a magic potion for tossing and turning... I know what I'll do. Anybody ever read the book of Isaiah in the Bible? Most boring bit of anything ever written and it used to put me right to sleep. If it works, I'll be able to quote the 'begats' in the morning! Isaiah begat Whosit, who slept for 20 years ~ or was that somebody else? sure not me!
Monday, October 24, 2011
Friday, October 21, 2011
Pondering Tomorrow
Tomorrow is October 22, my 55th birthday ~ and it is a record day for a few reasons: first of course, being 'double nickels' which has to mean something incredible within numerology. I don't know what, but I choose to believe that it is a sign of a happy, peaceful year ahead.
Next, it means I have outlived my mother who died during her 54th year, and considering this, I truly realize how much she missed, and how much I miss her. Not a day goes by nor has gone by since October 7, 1978, that I do not think of her, or catch a quick glimpse of her face in the reflection of my own in a mirror. Funny, how even though my life has been incredibly different from hers...I hold precious the standards and values she taught me simply because they came from her. I think of her when I see a thing of true beauty because she taught me to appreciate the natural world at a very young age; I think of her when I hear 40's music and remember that she told me she had such a crush on 'old blue eyes, Frank Sinatra.' And then she'd giggle like a school girl. When I see Dustin's eyes, I see hers - the same bluegray with goodness and mischief twinkling through, although.... when I was in trouble, those eyes could be very piercing and see right through my naughtiness.
I learned to be a lady from my mother who was proper but fun; prim but could let loose and sing or laugh; and loving loving loving. She brought joy to the holidays through the smallest things and always made sure there was abundance despite a budget that was generally very limited. I never felt cheated out of anything even though my friends might have had 'more', because my mother was magical and knew how to make all events special. Maybe she learned it from her mother, Grandma Katie Maddox, because they were so poor during my mother's childhood, but Grandma found ways to provide for her children and teach them gratitude for the smallest blessing.
Right before my 16th birthday, my mother had taken her yearly trip to St. Louis to see her mother and sisters and she brought home a gift I will never forget. My Grandma, who was 80 years old, sent me sixteen sugar cookies in a pringles potato chip can. Even a selfish 16 year old who was focused on social life, boys, and new outfits could pause and be moved by a simple gift of love. I think those cookies are my most memorable birthday gift ever, although I've had many that come close.
My birthday party is Sunday afternoon, and my kids will be here with the wee ones who are such gifts themselves. I'll look at Dustin's eyes and see the sparkle of blue; reflect on the lovely gift that Sara sent me with the same loving consideration she inherited from her grandmother; and take pause. Give thanks. Use the pinecone china that my mother adored and I inherited from her because I too collect pinecones, just like my mama. And I have her chickens and her childhood piggy banks and her wedding rings and ... the most important, a part of her within me, and I can see her in my family.
I would give anything for her to be here on Sunday, my sweet mother who would be 87 years old now, and probably frail. But to see her eyes shine when she watched the babies and listened to Gideon's stories and snuggled a moment with Ephraim and looked at Levi's eyes - just the same blue as hers... my heart will never stop wishing and aching.
Oh but wait, there is no need for ache because in each of us, in Doug and Jenn and Eric and Sam, and in all of my own family~ she is here. Savoring the time and the jokes and laughter and the love. Her spirit surrounds us each day and guides us in our choices because as we all know, there is nothing more powerful than a mother's love.
My traditional birthday 'cake' is pumpkin pie, but maybe this year, I'll make sugar cookies for my family. And we will celebrate the women who taught me how to make them and how to love. Happy Birthday to me, and thank you Mama. I miss you.
Next, it means I have outlived my mother who died during her 54th year, and considering this, I truly realize how much she missed, and how much I miss her. Not a day goes by nor has gone by since October 7, 1978, that I do not think of her, or catch a quick glimpse of her face in the reflection of my own in a mirror. Funny, how even though my life has been incredibly different from hers...I hold precious the standards and values she taught me simply because they came from her. I think of her when I see a thing of true beauty because she taught me to appreciate the natural world at a very young age; I think of her when I hear 40's music and remember that she told me she had such a crush on 'old blue eyes, Frank Sinatra.' And then she'd giggle like a school girl. When I see Dustin's eyes, I see hers - the same bluegray with goodness and mischief twinkling through, although.... when I was in trouble, those eyes could be very piercing and see right through my naughtiness.
I learned to be a lady from my mother who was proper but fun; prim but could let loose and sing or laugh; and loving loving loving. She brought joy to the holidays through the smallest things and always made sure there was abundance despite a budget that was generally very limited. I never felt cheated out of anything even though my friends might have had 'more', because my mother was magical and knew how to make all events special. Maybe she learned it from her mother, Grandma Katie Maddox, because they were so poor during my mother's childhood, but Grandma found ways to provide for her children and teach them gratitude for the smallest blessing.
Right before my 16th birthday, my mother had taken her yearly trip to St. Louis to see her mother and sisters and she brought home a gift I will never forget. My Grandma, who was 80 years old, sent me sixteen sugar cookies in a pringles potato chip can. Even a selfish 16 year old who was focused on social life, boys, and new outfits could pause and be moved by a simple gift of love. I think those cookies are my most memorable birthday gift ever, although I've had many that come close.
My birthday party is Sunday afternoon, and my kids will be here with the wee ones who are such gifts themselves. I'll look at Dustin's eyes and see the sparkle of blue; reflect on the lovely gift that Sara sent me with the same loving consideration she inherited from her grandmother; and take pause. Give thanks. Use the pinecone china that my mother adored and I inherited from her because I too collect pinecones, just like my mama. And I have her chickens and her childhood piggy banks and her wedding rings and ... the most important, a part of her within me, and I can see her in my family.
I would give anything for her to be here on Sunday, my sweet mother who would be 87 years old now, and probably frail. But to see her eyes shine when she watched the babies and listened to Gideon's stories and snuggled a moment with Ephraim and looked at Levi's eyes - just the same blue as hers... my heart will never stop wishing and aching.
Oh but wait, there is no need for ache because in each of us, in Doug and Jenn and Eric and Sam, and in all of my own family~ she is here. Savoring the time and the jokes and laughter and the love. Her spirit surrounds us each day and guides us in our choices because as we all know, there is nothing more powerful than a mother's love.
My traditional birthday 'cake' is pumpkin pie, but maybe this year, I'll make sugar cookies for my family. And we will celebrate the women who taught me how to make them and how to love. Happy Birthday to me, and thank you Mama. I miss you.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Down on the Farm
Last Saturday, Scott and Cody went to the Portland Temple to be sealed, and since it was such a blessing day, I offered to babysit all the grandkids so all the parents could attend. PrairieDawn isn't taking a bottle yet, so she went with Mom and Dad, and her Grandpa Gary babysat her right there at the temple so he had easy and quick access to her mama. :)
Fortunately, Mark, Connor, Sarah and Kyle offered (mostly) to go along with me and the kids to Bauman Farms' Harvest Fest, which is like Disneyland Down Home.
So, in two large vehicles - Ford Expedition and Chevy Suburban - we headed to the farm, along with about three thousand other pumpkin lovers. It was shocking to see the parking lot of the farm so full, and it was then that I began thinking 'what have I got us into?' But, the kids were excited and we were committed - and by then, Simeon-who-worships-tractors had spotted one and was building up a full head of steam to see the 'twactoos'!
We bought our tickets, and then divided into strategic groups: Sarah and Kyle took Gideon and Ephraim and immediately headed for the zip line while the rest of us started to go in three different directions with Levi, Anna and Simeon. It's pretty amazing how determined two and four year olds can be once they see something they want to do. Let's just say it was a true hands-on experience for Poppy, Grammy and Uncle Connor.
Levi found a mountain of hay bales and scampered up to the top with ease, while Anna and Simeon initially needed a boost. Anna likes to follow Levi, trusting in her big brother, but if he's not around, Simeon takes over as the leader. Levi chose to get in line for the huge slide made of a very long water pipe (PVC) suspended from the top story of the barn. I was surprised that he would take such a risk all by himself, but he insisted. So, anxious Grammy watched him climb the stairs all by himself, and turned around to see Simeon disappear into the dark maze built under the haybales with Anna right behind. Aaah! Watch Levi, grab babies, watch Levi, call for help, watch Levi, Mark's at the end of the slide ready to get a picture of Levi, Simeon's gone - Connor - help! Watch Levi, Connor goes after Simeon, Anna wants out, Levi's in the slide, Anna wants in. Connor holds nervous Anna's little hand and spots Simeon happily working his independent way through the maze, down comes beaming Levi, where in the heck are the little kids? Out they pop with with Uncle Connor who looks at Grammy with revenge in his eyes - how could you send me in there with BOTH of them? Sheepish Grammy....
We regroup and Connor wants to try the apple cannon, so he and Mark go off that way. What???? Alone!! Levi desperately wants to try the yellow jumping pillow, so we get in line for that, sort of. Simeon is adventurous, have I mentioned that? Anna is pretty much glued to my leg, thank goodness, but Simeon's a whole different story. We wait and we wait and we wait, and I chase and I grab and even Levi can't keep up with Simeon... I give up on the line and call Poppy Mark - where ARE you? I can't do this by myself! We head over to the jumping house which is set up in a greenhouse. Wait in that line for a while and then finally get to enter, and thankfully, meet up with Gideon and Ephraim.
There should be signs outside of jumping houses. No one under the age of four allowed, or under at least three feet tall. Chubby two year olds struggle to climb the first obstacle and are pushed from behind by struggling big brothers and pulled from above by kind older girls who see the dilemma with two two year olds who aren't quite sure if they are having fun or not. Well, the slide off the obstacle was great, but then there's another line to climb yet a higher obstacle. This isn't gonna work and it's about 85 degrees and getting hotter in the greenhouse. Poppy and Grammy are melting... and Anna doesn't have a ton of patience in lines. Hmmm.... Grammy finds a detour, removes reluctant two year olds from line and inserts them into the latter jumping room, where they begin to jump and squeal and laugh. Oh good, and the big boys have Levi with them and they climb and slide and jump along happily. Then Simeon decides to go under and through the other obstacles, so he's out of sight and Anna's still happily jumping where she was. Watch Anna, search for Simeon, watch Anna, search for Simeon - oh, there he is! Where'd Anna go? Crawling under the obstacle, she gets stuck. She is smack in the middle of the jumping room and just barely out of reach... but Simeon bounces next to her which releases the pressure and she can get out. Sigh.... back and forth they go, and so does Grammy who is suffering from the extreme heat of the greenhouse and exertions of dashing back and forth after the little ones. We had such fun in the jumping house!
More to follow. I gotta go to work. To rest.....
Fortunately, Mark, Connor, Sarah and Kyle offered (mostly) to go along with me and the kids to Bauman Farms' Harvest Fest, which is like Disneyland Down Home.
So, in two large vehicles - Ford Expedition and Chevy Suburban - we headed to the farm, along with about three thousand other pumpkin lovers. It was shocking to see the parking lot of the farm so full, and it was then that I began thinking 'what have I got us into?' But, the kids were excited and we were committed - and by then, Simeon-who-worships-tractors had spotted one and was building up a full head of steam to see the 'twactoos'!
We bought our tickets, and then divided into strategic groups: Sarah and Kyle took Gideon and Ephraim and immediately headed for the zip line while the rest of us started to go in three different directions with Levi, Anna and Simeon. It's pretty amazing how determined two and four year olds can be once they see something they want to do. Let's just say it was a true hands-on experience for Poppy, Grammy and Uncle Connor.
Levi found a mountain of hay bales and scampered up to the top with ease, while Anna and Simeon initially needed a boost. Anna likes to follow Levi, trusting in her big brother, but if he's not around, Simeon takes over as the leader. Levi chose to get in line for the huge slide made of a very long water pipe (PVC) suspended from the top story of the barn. I was surprised that he would take such a risk all by himself, but he insisted. So, anxious Grammy watched him climb the stairs all by himself, and turned around to see Simeon disappear into the dark maze built under the haybales with Anna right behind. Aaah! Watch Levi, grab babies, watch Levi, call for help, watch Levi, Mark's at the end of the slide ready to get a picture of Levi, Simeon's gone - Connor - help! Watch Levi, Connor goes after Simeon, Anna wants out, Levi's in the slide, Anna wants in. Connor holds nervous Anna's little hand and spots Simeon happily working his independent way through the maze, down comes beaming Levi, where in the heck are the little kids? Out they pop with with Uncle Connor who looks at Grammy with revenge in his eyes - how could you send me in there with BOTH of them? Sheepish Grammy....
We regroup and Connor wants to try the apple cannon, so he and Mark go off that way. What???? Alone!! Levi desperately wants to try the yellow jumping pillow, so we get in line for that, sort of. Simeon is adventurous, have I mentioned that? Anna is pretty much glued to my leg, thank goodness, but Simeon's a whole different story. We wait and we wait and we wait, and I chase and I grab and even Levi can't keep up with Simeon... I give up on the line and call Poppy Mark - where ARE you? I can't do this by myself! We head over to the jumping house which is set up in a greenhouse. Wait in that line for a while and then finally get to enter, and thankfully, meet up with Gideon and Ephraim.
There should be signs outside of jumping houses. No one under the age of four allowed, or under at least three feet tall. Chubby two year olds struggle to climb the first obstacle and are pushed from behind by struggling big brothers and pulled from above by kind older girls who see the dilemma with two two year olds who aren't quite sure if they are having fun or not. Well, the slide off the obstacle was great, but then there's another line to climb yet a higher obstacle. This isn't gonna work and it's about 85 degrees and getting hotter in the greenhouse. Poppy and Grammy are melting... and Anna doesn't have a ton of patience in lines. Hmmm.... Grammy finds a detour, removes reluctant two year olds from line and inserts them into the latter jumping room, where they begin to jump and squeal and laugh. Oh good, and the big boys have Levi with them and they climb and slide and jump along happily. Then Simeon decides to go under and through the other obstacles, so he's out of sight and Anna's still happily jumping where she was. Watch Anna, search for Simeon, watch Anna, search for Simeon - oh, there he is! Where'd Anna go? Crawling under the obstacle, she gets stuck. She is smack in the middle of the jumping room and just barely out of reach... but Simeon bounces next to her which releases the pressure and she can get out. Sigh.... back and forth they go, and so does Grammy who is suffering from the extreme heat of the greenhouse and exertions of dashing back and forth after the little ones. We had such fun in the jumping house!
More to follow. I gotta go to work. To rest.....
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Good Morning?
Why oh why am I up so early? Mark is an early bird but I'm more of a middle-of-the-morning kind of gal, so getting up at 5:00 a.m. is a foreign concept. I think I've watched the morning news about three times now, so figured it was time to move on to something else - like blogging.
I stopped by Kyle and Sarah's for a minute last night, and it was a sweet visit. They have been canning and showed me their bounty of jarsfull, and then shared ! I came home with canned tomatoes, salsa, pickled beans and blackberry freezer jam, along with a beautiful assortment of gourds and squash in a harvest basket! It was so much fun to listen to them talk about their first canning experience and to hear the excitement in their voices, and some pride too. They still have apples and grapes to do. :)
Casey's been wanting to borrow my wheat grinder too, so they can make some whole wheat bread. Sharon and Gideon made bread for our last family dinner, and it was very good so I'm more than happy to loan them a tool that will help them make more! :)
Sara called on Sunday - YAY!!! We hadn't been able to really talk since July, so we had such a good long chat. She had just finished prepping for a winter container gardening class she is doing, and she is happily working in the floral department at Whole Foods so that she can keep her hands on some plants. :)
When I reflected on these conversations with my kids, I realized that maybe a little bit of their upbringing did have an affect on them. I used to open the doors of our pantry simply to admire the jarsfull of jam and veggies and fruit, and I told the children that the jars glistening with colorfully canned healthy foods were my 'jewels' because I knew of the riches we had. The biggest accomplishment was the day we gathered up the neighborhood kids to assist with making applesauce from our six apple trees, and we canned over 120 quarts in one day - a VERY long day.
For a couple of years when they were all younger, I baked our bread on a regular basis. Experimenting with seeds and grains, and sharing the mixing and kneading with my little boy created much more than a sustainingly delicious loaf. The memories that Scott and I share are funny and priceless - he would knead his little piece of dough while I worked enough to make two big loaves, and we could tell that the bread was ready to bake when it looked just like the skin on my arms, because they are very white with lots of freckles. LOL Whole wheat dough has lots of speckles. He was in charge of informing me when it was just right. After it baked, and the house was full of the aroma, the big kids would come home from home and everyone wanted a slice. Even the neighbors benefitted when I had plenty to share.
Being in the garden when they were younger wasn't something they all really enjoyed because it seemed like such work, but now they look back at that time as somewhat magical. Our lives' rhythym would adjust to the harvest of fruit from our trees and veggies from the garden, and yes, hours and hours of canning and freezing. Tending the plants and trees was a big job, important to a large family who depended on the successful gleaning to get through the winter.
I'm not taking credit for their appreciation of the things we did during their childhood, but I like to know that maybe some of it comes from shared memories of time when we worked side by side, and the traditions we created. No opening our canned grape juice until Thanksgiving dinner; blueberry pancakes for the 4th of July; warm sweet applesauce with cream and so on.
Good memories. Good traditions. Happy satisfaction to share their accomplishments now.
I stopped by Kyle and Sarah's for a minute last night, and it was a sweet visit. They have been canning and showed me their bounty of jarsfull, and then shared ! I came home with canned tomatoes, salsa, pickled beans and blackberry freezer jam, along with a beautiful assortment of gourds and squash in a harvest basket! It was so much fun to listen to them talk about their first canning experience and to hear the excitement in their voices, and some pride too. They still have apples and grapes to do. :)
Casey's been wanting to borrow my wheat grinder too, so they can make some whole wheat bread. Sharon and Gideon made bread for our last family dinner, and it was very good so I'm more than happy to loan them a tool that will help them make more! :)
Sara called on Sunday - YAY!!! We hadn't been able to really talk since July, so we had such a good long chat. She had just finished prepping for a winter container gardening class she is doing, and she is happily working in the floral department at Whole Foods so that she can keep her hands on some plants. :)
When I reflected on these conversations with my kids, I realized that maybe a little bit of their upbringing did have an affect on them. I used to open the doors of our pantry simply to admire the jarsfull of jam and veggies and fruit, and I told the children that the jars glistening with colorfully canned healthy foods were my 'jewels' because I knew of the riches we had. The biggest accomplishment was the day we gathered up the neighborhood kids to assist with making applesauce from our six apple trees, and we canned over 120 quarts in one day - a VERY long day.
For a couple of years when they were all younger, I baked our bread on a regular basis. Experimenting with seeds and grains, and sharing the mixing and kneading with my little boy created much more than a sustainingly delicious loaf. The memories that Scott and I share are funny and priceless - he would knead his little piece of dough while I worked enough to make two big loaves, and we could tell that the bread was ready to bake when it looked just like the skin on my arms, because they are very white with lots of freckles. LOL Whole wheat dough has lots of speckles. He was in charge of informing me when it was just right. After it baked, and the house was full of the aroma, the big kids would come home from home and everyone wanted a slice. Even the neighbors benefitted when I had plenty to share.
Being in the garden when they were younger wasn't something they all really enjoyed because it seemed like such work, but now they look back at that time as somewhat magical. Our lives' rhythym would adjust to the harvest of fruit from our trees and veggies from the garden, and yes, hours and hours of canning and freezing. Tending the plants and trees was a big job, important to a large family who depended on the successful gleaning to get through the winter.
I'm not taking credit for their appreciation of the things we did during their childhood, but I like to know that maybe some of it comes from shared memories of time when we worked side by side, and the traditions we created. No opening our canned grape juice until Thanksgiving dinner; blueberry pancakes for the 4th of July; warm sweet applesauce with cream and so on.
Good memories. Good traditions. Happy satisfaction to share their accomplishments now.
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